We are all born with the capacity to think more deeply about a lot of things. We have to develop our awareness and self-awareness. If we do not know how we feel, or why we feel things the way we do, it is our responsibility to learn.
I remember thinking back to my first few days of grad school. I was a freshman in high school and I had started going to a local church. I was not a regular churchgoer, but I was always there. I spent as much time as I could hanging out with the other senior boys, but when we were in class, I was more interested in the other girls.
This was also the first time that I remember noticing how quiet the rest of the class was. This was a time when I was starting really to feel like I was a part of the cool crowd. I felt like this was my time to shine. I wanted to be the best freshman in the class, so I did what every last sophomore was doing.
Back then we didn’t have the internet, so it was a bit difficult to tell the girls from the boys who were out there online. The girls were on every computer I could find from home, but the boys were on their own. The other boys in my class were all cool kids (at least at that time) so they were rarely interested in boys. They didn’t know I was there, so they didn’t say anything and were very quiet.
The last time I saw my sister was in the hospital. She wasnt there when I got there, but I think she would have loved to have seen me before I died. She would have always loved this school, even though it was so different from where she grew up. I would have loved her to see my face again, but she died before I could tell her.
We are all here to learn, so I guess it’s kind of sad that it takes the death of a loved one to make me realize just how much I miss my sister. I’ve still thought about her every day, and sometimes I still feel as if she’s with me somewhere in the world. But it’s hard to remember that when the last time I saw her was so short.
I don’t remember much of my life before she died. I remember her every day, and the one day she didn’t come home after her last day. She was one, and I knew that she was one forever, but somehow I ended up being just another day.
That’s why I want to tell you that I still remember you. I still miss you. I still love you. I still think about you. I still remember you.
I should have thought of that before I killed her.
Yes, I’m sure she did you wrong. I’m sure she deserved to die. But you know what? I’m not her. I’m not her, and when you think about it, it’s like she’s just a part of your life. She’s a stranger who just showed up in your life. She’s a part of your life now, but you don’t even know her. She’s out there, but you don’t even know her.